Weekly Newsletter # 2
Note: All images can be found in the original post on my website.
Hi friends
Last week, I told you all that I have just received my ADHD diagnosis. That allows me to understand myself better than ever before. In this newsletter, I want to share one thing that I did in my journey towards that diagnosis by purchasing the book “Could it be ADHD? Assess yourself with 25 ADHD symptoms”.
The book was written by Julia Strait who is a licensed psychologist who deals with adults with ADHD. I like how she explains the symptoms in words that resonate with me because I always struggle to describe my emotions and what I am feeling.
This week, I want to write about one of the 25 symptoms of ADHD in the book: emotional dysregulation. She said that emotional dysregulation is the symptom you have when you feel things intensely.
She also said that emotional dysregulation is when your reaction towards something outside your control is not a typical emotional reaction to that situation. As a result, the feelings like sadness, joy, excitement, fear and pretty much all emotions can be much stronger.
She broke down the symptom of emotional dysregulation into three components which are (1) being angry inappropriately, (2) being overjoyed, and (3) being too much.
As for being angry inappropriately, I can recall an incident a few months ago at the pharmacy where I worked. This incident led to disciplinary action causing me to receive formal written notice. This incident is also one of the catalysts for me discovering that I have ADHD. The content of the disciplinary meeting is confidential and so do the action of others involved. Still, I will explain my emotional reaction to the event that led up to the incident so that I can understand a bit more about it.
The incident regarding being angry inappropriately
It was a Saturday, and my shift started at 10 am. I arrived on time at 10 am, but this was actually late. I need to be a few minutes earlier to open the store in time for 10 am. Customers and patients were waiting outside the pharmacy since 9.50 am. They were getting quite impatient because the pharmacy was still not open at 10 am when the pharmacy should have been open.
Fast forward to a few challenging interactions with customers, I felt this stress and anger built up. Subsequently, I scolded the other two staff members and walked off the pharmacy. As a result, the pharmacy had to shut for about 30 minutes, which negatively impacted the business.
At that time, I felt a very intense feeling of anger and stress. I kept telling myself that it was not a big deal, but my ADHD brain just cannot comprehend that.
Of course, ADHD is not an excuse for being rude to team members. On reflection, there are better ways of handling such situations, and I know that now. On consideration, my strategy is that I will not act on any intense emotion that I am feeling. Instead, I will speak to someone else who can do something about it so that my emotional dysregulation does not negatively affect people around me.
I had plenty of other examples of emotional dysregulation. The intense emotions led to frustration resulting in me losing my calm. For instance, I said, “I am not your personal shopper. There are signs all over the shops. Please have a look!” when a customer kept asking me where certain products are located in the store.
As for the feeling of overjoyed, sometimes it gets in the way of building meaningful relationships. Julia said that people with ADHD sometimes fall in love too hard and too fast. I can resonate with this. Looking back, I have met many attractive, intelligent persons who are also attracted to me. Still, I drove them away because I am being too much. In fact, this also happened with my best friend in high school, whom I drove away because, again, I was being too much.
Speaking of too much, I received many comments from colleagues, customers and patients that I was being too much in everything. I guess it’s the emotional dysregulation at play.
That will be all for this week. Next week, I will talk about being too much. Stay tuned.
Three things I enjoyed this week
Podcast: Adult ADHD? A Journey of Self-Discovery and Getting a Diagnosis
In this podcast, Katie talked about her journey with receiving an ADHD diagnosis. She was diagnosed about a few months earlier than me, and I found it really helpful because we are about the same age. We struggled with kind of the same thing, except that I am not that talkative.
There is something quite powerful about listening to her experience. It validates the struggles that I was and am having. She also gives me languages to express what I am feeling. I got to know myself better. But, most importantly, she made me feel that I am not alone. It is a powerful feeling.
Skillshare class ➡️ Self-Care Through Creativity: Turn Your Anxiety Into Art
This class is taught by Sarah Beth Morgan, who is an illustrator. I like the idea of making art, but I am terrible at it. However, she said that everyone can make art even if they are awful at it. She suggested doing a collage of things that resonates with my emotions and feelings. I did just that, and that allows me to get deeper into my feelings and emotions. I hope I can share with you some of the “artwork”.
Permission to dance music video by BTS
Mark, a friend of mine whom I visited a few days ago, introduced me to this music and I am obsessed with it. So this part of the lyrics resonates with me.
We don’t need to worry
’Cause when we fall, we know how to land
Don’t need to talk the talk, just walk the walk tonight
’Cause we don’t need permission to dance
Thank you for reading!
Best wishes,
Syafiq.
Originally published at https://www.syafiqkay.com on September 6, 2021.
